Post #117 – Transparency, Depression, and My Dilemma

girl running beach gif

To dip my foot into the ocean, drive a car, slip a shoe on and off, and to dance again. What joy that would be!

Lately I have wrestled with fatigue and depression. My disease is progressing a bit faster. I fall asleep in the middle of eating, writing, blogging, etc. and wake up two or three hours later sometimes with my hands on the keyboard. I wish that I could get up and run away but alas, my legs remain paralyzed.

I am also finding it difficult to build an audience. Fiction writing is not my forte. I write what I know about. Unfortunately, all I know about is abuse, suffering, human trafficking, molestation, and bad marriages. Hardly appealing to anyone.

So I diversify my blog to little avail.

Being confined to my bed, writing and blogging keep me distracted and from imploding. It also keeps me busy so that days vanish quickly into night. Sleep is my only escape from my life.

It’s my wish to help others understand the dangers that lurk in our own backyards. But few want to believe that bad things can happen to them.

This is my dilemma. How can I make my blog successful as well as get critical information out to others? (I don’t make a dime on it. My goal is to help). I would appreciate any feedback.

27 replies »

  1. Nancy, perhaps you could write a memoir, a whole book, in small pieces like this. You could check out the publisher my sister was picked up by.


    • I did write my memoir. Excerpts can be found on my blog site. I go through these ups and downs, being confined to bed. I worked with a professional writer on my memoir. I had an agent, but had to let him go. His communications were sporadic and now he is no longer working as an agent. It is difficult revisting my past again and again. I have PTSD. I contracted the sexually transmitted virus while captive to sex traffickers in NYC.

      To wake up each morning chained to my bed only reminds me again how I wound up this way. I am normally smiling and counseling others. But this week has drained me mentally and physically. No motivation. It frustrates me when I wallow in the muck.


  2. Hi Nancy, I dont know how big your following is, but when you write, it’s always honest and from the heart. Just keep reaching out to others who also have PTSD. I have found it’s a supportive community, and grows all the time.


  3. I’m really sorry to hear how rough things are at the moment and as hard as things are, don’t change. Loads of people are interested in that genre of writing, it may not be “cheery” but it’s not a story without some negative events thrown in, a non-stop feel good would just be dull. 😕

    Best of luck and I really hope you start feeling better soon. 😊


    • I sure have plenty of “not feel good” but also there is good in my life. I am just having a rough few weeks. Thank you for your feedback, encouragement, and kind thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. from your ‘about’ page with a little bevelling to bring out the whole event:

    Nancy J Walker:

    some call me “Wildflower” because … I … survive …
    the sights that I see when I venture out, the joy of

    breathing fresh air, of reading and viewing for which
    I am grateful, yet I prefer my solace – Scorpio hidden

    in the universe amid twelve grandchildren and the
    story of humanity, self-deprecating and struggling

    with self-esteem and what people say; but there are
    always sea-foam green, teal, lavender, and yellow

    Brie, dark chocolate, cherries and the Mediterranean:
    people ask me for my recipes; I travel virtually and

    survive wildlife and crime to help fellow victims; I am
    the Witness, I am the Sentinal: welcome to my musings!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s true. I forget sometimes what the real mission is; to touch one’s heart or save someone from a fate like mine is enough. Thank you for your encouragement. You made me think.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. my heart goes out to you, Nancy. While I’m in no way, suffering anything like you what you are going through, I am for life, on a heavy dose of ciprofloxacin. After 3.5 yrs on this, due to a bad aortic dissection, and getting a bad hospital infection [was at Barnes-Jewish for 40 days], I fall asleep often 3 times a day, and deal with constant fatigue. Only in that way, can I relate a little. I got anxiety from my mom, who was raped 100 times, among being a sex slave, in Poland during WW2. This life of anxiety led up to hypertension, which got me a very close brush with death through the aortic dissection. I to am a Christian, but texts like be anxious for nothing, and Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace”, I never experienced, cause of deep latent anxiety I was born with. So I’m 66, despite, that, have lived a decent life. But I know what suffering is like too, of which 8 years was a real trashout from much emotional suffering.

    I know a better day is coming, with eternal compensations for you and I. You are faithful despite your suffering. I have no doubt, will will love heaven much better than some folk who breezed through life, and had it fairly easy. But deeper than that, fellowship with Christ in His sufferings [sufferings far broader and deeper than His on the Cross], is the gateway through future bonding and resultant closeness with God than you and I can imagine. To be the tafget of Satan’s special lifelong attacks, has reciprocal favorable consequences throughout eternity that we don’t at this moment comprehend. Hang in there, I say softly. Billions of years of awesome destiny await you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so sorry about your mom and also for your suffering. I am a believer also, but that does not take away the human factor. The problem is that many “Christians” don’t understand and throw verses at me that make me feel judged. Thank you for your encouragement. I long for the day I meet the Lord. Suffering ends and life begins. You are so kind and understanding. Thank you for that. Nancy


  6. Nancy, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you are fatigued, just sleep, and it will give you more energy. No one is made of steel.
    My next four blogs – for the rest of July – will be about sea birds. I know you like them, and I hope I will keep you entertained 🙂 xx


  7. Hi Nancy, I just wanted to say that I like your writing and the way you vary your posts. I’ve been reading a few blogs about writing non-fiction lately, I could send you a link when I come across anything that might be helpful.


  8. Hi Nancy, this is a post from The Millionaire’s Digest I thought you might like:

    The Paradox of What Makes Something Go Viral (For Book, Beauty, Writing Bloggers & More)

    July 13, 2016 The Millionaire’s Digest 43 Comments

    So what’s the secret to making something go viral? It starts with making something that people have no choice but to care about.

    Something both so personal, but simultaneously so universal and human that not sharing it would seem selfish or “out of whack.”

    Now, what you go about creating is totally up to you. It may take 100 or 1,000 tries to make something that has such an impact on people.

    But if your goal is to make other people genuinely care about what you have to say — not in the general social media “like” way but actually feel it — you’ll have no problem going viral.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The publishing business has been decimated by the internet. E-books cost very little to generate. The difficulty lies in marketing. Most books fail. That’s a fact of publishing life. There is enormous competition out there — online and off. You cannot take that personally. If you’re trying to start a business venture, you have to take a business approach. You have to find your niche — the group of readers most interested in or impacted by what you have to say — and figure out how to reach that niche.

    Ask yourself why you want to write. That will help you decide what it is you want to say. Chances are your life would lend itself to multiple interpretations. You might want to write a dark comedy about divorce. You might want to encourage abused women, one survivor to another. You could focus on educating the medical profession about how to deal w/ abuse victims more sensitively. Or you could work w/ law enforcement and schools to warn teens about human trafficking. You might want to warn parents how to protect their children from abuse. Or you could engage local churches and synagogues in developing an outreach to the victims of human trafficking. It’s all up to you.

    Since you have physical limitations, I assume it would be difficult for you to speak to seminars or groups. You could though make podcasts geared toward your specific audience(s).

    A blog on a serious subject is never going to compete w/ the Kardashians. But if you touch the life of a single reader, you’ve already achieved success.

    Just my two cents.

    Wishing you the best!

    A. ❤

    PS. Many thanks for your follow!


    • Thank you so much for all this useful information. I have been thinking a lot about podcasts. Getting started is the difficult part. I have many audiences I want to help. You have been so helpful and I appreciate this and for your encouragement. Love your blog. ❤ Glad we connected.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. OMG! It seems you have been through a lot. Be strong, you are doing a great job by reaching out to it here’s through your posts. I hope you feel lots better now? Have a merry Christmas 🎄 Nancy😄


    • Thank you, Vivien. I’ve been in and out of the hospital since Thanksgiving. I’m still in the hospital now. Had four surgeries. I’m hoping to be out by March 1 if all goes well. I miss everyone here.

      Liked by 1 person

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