It’s a never-ending daily assault. Sometimes I just shut down, hide under my covers, and play depressing songs for hours.
And I never know when it is going to hit. I was fine when I woke up, now I have fallen into a pit that I cannot climb out of. Just like that. It drives me crazy that I cannot overcome these bouts.
I have no one I can talk to – I never have. Too many trust issues. And, no one understands how traumatized I still am. Spending twenty-four hours in a bed – enough said.
It’s no one’s fault. I hide behind a smile; I am an expert at that. But, I fear one day I won’t be able to handle a blind side and try something stupid.
The only one I can share this with is my laptop and whoever reads this post.
I guess that’s it. My heart hurts. I feel empty and numb. And I don’t know why.