It’s a never-ending daily assault. Sometimes I just shut down, hide under my covers, and play depressing songs for hours.
And I never know when it is going to hit. I was fine when I woke up, now I have fallen into a pit that I cannot climb out of. Just like that. It drives me crazy that I cannot overcome these bouts.
I have no one I can talk to – I never have. Too many trust issues. And, no one understands how traumatized I still am. Spending twenty-four hours in a bed – enough said.
It’s no one’s fault. I hide behind a smile; I am an expert at that. But, I fear one day I won’t be able to handle a blind side and try something stupid.
The only one I can share this with is my laptop and whoever reads this post.
I guess that’s it. My heart hurts. I feel empty and numb. And I don’t know why.
Categories: Author, Dealing with Disability, depression, Emotional Triggers, pain, PTSD, Self-harm, Self-worth, The Power of Fear
I wish I had the magic words. ❤️
just that we are friends is such a comfort. You bless me so much.
Confined to bed restricts our ability to lose ourselves in busyness – we have only to face it, and hopefully, push through it. You are a brave woman, and I am awed by the Spirit you constantly display. Be well.
Thank you for your kind words. I don’t feel brave a lot. It’s encouraging to me that you see me that way.
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I am interested in reading your work, getting to know you a little more. I was curious about you on Twitter because my name is also Joy.
Joy is what I feel inside even in the midst of battles. I believe it comes from an outside force that keeps me going. Nancy is my real name (which means Grace). I like that.
Thank you for stopping by and for your interest in my life. I am looking forward to getting to know you also. The internet is a fabulous tool for meeting new people and making new friends. I am off to check out your blog. Nancy