Three true stories

1. Lizzie approached an older man in Target and asked, “Have I seen you before?”

He said “Yes, M’am”

“Do you remember where?”

He answered, “Here. Just now when you stopped me from going into the men’s dressing room to try on these clothes hanging on my arm.”

My blushing friend Lizzie nearly tripped as she turned to make her get-away. Poor Lizzie. I felt kind of sorry for her although I had a difficult time controlling my belly laughs as she told me.

2. I went to my primary care doctor last week after having blood work done.

Six months ago, my A1C (diabetic levels) was down to 5.8 from 6.3 because we eat a strict Mediterranean diet. And my triglycerides were normal. Then, Christmas came.

It’s difficult to buy gifts for an older woman who really doesn’t need anything, so my darling family and friends give me:

A mixture of homemade fudge from Maine, pre-made baskets of chocolate-covered goodies, plants, and handmade pralines by my 92-year-old uncle Hap’s (Oh my gosh, melt-in-your-mouth-delectable-bites-of-creamy-molasses-walnutty goodness.

So I devised a way to get rid of them quickly.

Dr. Kishun asked me how I did that.

“Well, I eat them fast to get them out of the house. That way I won’t be tempted.” Seriously. I do that.

“You could have shared them,” she chuckled.

Hah! End my love affair with decadent chocolate and Hap’s treats. Doubtful. 🙂

But, hey, I’m back to my strict diet.

And anyway, it’s a well-know fact, splurging stimulates endorphin levels. Doesn’t it? 🙂

3. My friend, Nora, who assists an eighty-seven-year-old woman named Gertrude, drove her to Wal-Mart one afternoon. She needed arthritic balls for her hands.

After they walked around the store for about thirty minutes, the elderly lady got frustrated and approached a young male employee.

Because the woman is hard of hearing, she speaks quite loudly. Nora did all she could not to LOL when the woman shouted out to the young man

“Do you know where your balls are?”

The poor kids’ face got red, redder, and very redder.

Nora and Gertrude finally found her therapeutic balls. Mortified, Nora rushed her to the checkout, and POOF.

When Nora told me the story my body shook for about ten minutes when I laughed so hard I trigger an earthquake of leg spasms (caused by my illness).

And Gertrude doesn’t stop there. One day when Nora took her to Publix supermarket, Gertrude wolf-whistled behind a pretty, young woman who thought it was the man directly behind her. She smacked the unsuspecting and very confused man across the face.

I love Gertrude’s spunky sense of humor. I aspire to be like her when I am in my 80s. 🙂