There is nothing unusual today. Nothing has changed – no improvement in my health. However, I suppose if “Limbo” exists this must be what it feels like – Novocain for the mind. I have this uncanny ability to remove myself from unpleasant situations; or maybe it is God […]
My Blog: A Potpourri of living life, paralyzed and confined to a bed, how I got this way, how I cope, and my perspectives. I am also a CSA, rape, and human trafficking survivor.
Some call me “Wildflower” because … I … survive … the sights that I see when I venture out, the joy of breathing fresh air, of reading and viewing for which I am grateful, yet I prefer my solace – Scorpio hidden in the universe amid twelve grandchildren and the story of humanity, self-deprecating and struggling with self-esteem and what people say; but there are always sea-foam green, teal, lavender, and yellow Brie, dark chocolate, cherries and the Mediterranean: people ask me for my recipes; I travel virtually and survive wildlife and crime to help fellow victims; I am the Witness, I am the Sentinel: welcome to my musings!
I hid this secret for years because I still suffer episodes of harming myself when I’m deeply hurt or severely depressed. It’s a coping mechanism that I sometimes cannot control. My emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that I slap myself as hard as I can several times across my face or […]
Lying here trying to will my legs to move. Arguing with them is futile. They refuse to obey me. I’m Krazy-glued to my bed. It makes me antsy. I want to jump out of this bed. I wish to feel my foot on the gas pedal of a […]
On May 7, 2011, I was 59. I laid in my bed that afternoon listening to music from those torrential years as a teenager and young woman. It’s funny how a song can drop you into the midst of once-lived moment. As a kid, I had transformed my […]
Every 30 seconds someone becomes a victim of human trafficking. There are about 20 to 30 million slaves in the world today. Over 50% are children. SEX TRAFFICKING Sex traffickers use fear, control, drug addiction, and physical violence to keep their victims silent and submissive. Daily beatings […]
I spoke to a friend recently who referred to me as being involved in prostitution during my years of captivity. A hammer to my jaw would have hurt less. It offended and hurt me deeply. He reacted with this statement: “You sold your body for money. Isn’t that […]
I had already become an object because I could not act. Shane did not allow me. My “boyfriend” Rebel sold me to that brutal leader and his gang of ruthless sex traffickers one night during the winter of 1969 on a desolate street in New York City, one month after my […]
You Had Me from Hello & Amazed “These are my songs for you, Baby,” Charlie had told me. Head Over Heels A 104 fever and life-threatening infection put me in the ER three days before Thanksgiving, 2003, Unable to get the […]
Many days I fall into unexpected deep depressions. They blind side me. During those times, I put a sheet over my head and pull my covers completely over my face and listen to songs like Whiter Shade of Pale and N.U.M.B. It’s amazes me that I don’t suffocate. […]
Besides all of this, my parents and all my younger siblings are dead. I sometimes wonder if they were simply a dream. I’m allowed out of bed only twice a week to wash my hair and sometimes when my family visits. Doctors’ appointments free me to breathe fresh […]