Nancy

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Nancy

My Blog: A Potpourri of living life, paralyzed and confined to a bed, how I got this way, how I cope, and my perspectives. I am also a CSA, rape, and human trafficking survivor.

Some call me “Wildflower” because … I … survive … the sights that I see when I venture out, the joy of breathing fresh air, of reading and viewing for which I am grateful, yet I prefer my solace – Scorpio hidden in the universe amid twelve grandchildren and the story of humanity, self-deprecating and struggling with self-esteem and what people say; but there are always sea-foam green, teal, lavender, and yellow Brie, dark chocolate, cherries and the Mediterranean: people ask me for my recipes; I travel virtually and survive wildlife and crime to help fellow victims; I am the Witness, I am the Sentinel: welcome to my musings!

Post #88 – 6 a.m. Another Painful Sleepless Night and a Raw, Unedited Poem

By Nancy on March 16, 2016 • ( 3 Comments )

Please correct writing errors in your head. Exhaustion wrote this entry. I just went along for the ride. As I watch my computer clock race towards 6 a.m., I have an unsettling awareness of my heartbeat. I feel it tapping against my skin. My whole body hurts; my bed chokes […]

Post #87 – Death Is But A Doorway – A True Short Story and Two Poems

By Nancy on March 13, 2016 • ( 10 Comments )

It must be so, lest all our sufferings be in vain, making life nothing more than futility. After experiencing nine near-death encounters, I believe in my heart that something beautiful awaits us. I will share two of them, the first and the last. In 1995, my leg spasms were so […]

Post #86 – Popsicle Sticks, Bumblebees, and Blossoms – A Poem

By Nancy on March 8, 2016 • ( 4 Comments )

Pearly billows samba amongst aureate blue skies Kaleidoscopic tulips and crocuses bid cheery hellos Emerge the sleepy hedgehogs, chipmunks Grizzly bears Snowy mounds deliquesce Fragrant showers bathe blossoms, budding trees, earth Popsicle sticks floating downhill through streams in gutters Delight a child’s eyes Lingering daylight, baby ducklings, chirping […]

Post #85 – Voice in the Storm – A Spiritual Poem – Raw and Unedited

By Nancy on March 7, 2016 • ( 2 Comments )

Clap of angry thunder, Crash of mighty trees Sinister crack of a whipping lightning bolt A soft whisper blows gently in a breeze Blasting, howling winds; Surging, tumultuous tides Ferocious waves hammering Herculean rocks While in the midst the whisper hides Mind is spinning; burning, stinging tears, relentless […]

Post #84 – Embrace Your Flaws

By Nancy on March 4, 2016 • ( 3 Comments )

I was speaking with a very wise young woman yesterday who is half my age, one of my closest friends and confidantes, and like a daughter too. We were discussing low self-esteem and self-confidence issues (two things I am working on in myself). These are areas (for […]

Post # 30 – Disability ~ Readjustments ~ Infinite Possibilities

By Nancy on March 2, 2016 • ( 2 Comments )

Originally posted on Nancy Jean Walker – Loving Life Fully :
For an instant after I wake up each morning, my bedridden condition reminds me of the horrors of my past, until someone opens my window blinds. The sun bursts into my room with no apologies. Each sunrise promises me…

Post #83 – Knock Down Obstacles in Pursuit of Your Goals

By Nancy on March 1, 2016 • ( Leave a comment )

“Positive self-esteem means liking and respecting yourself enough so that you can focus on the needs of others, rather than on constantly seeking someone else’s approval and affirmation. Positive self-esteem contributes to satisfying social relationships which, in study after study, have been shown to be crucial components of […]

Post #82 – Chapter 25 – One Way Out – Excerpt from My Memoir

By Nancy on February 29, 2016 • ( Leave a comment )

CAPTIVE IN THE MIRROR Courtesy of God’s Emerald Photos Before I boarded, I stopped in the ladies’ room. As I washed my hands, I glanced into a mirror. Another mirror that refused to lie. Puffy, blackened eyes, sunken cheeks, cigarette-stained teeth. The pathetic girl looking back […]

Post #81 – A Closed Fist Crushes Life – A Spiritual Poem

By Nancy on February 28, 2016 • ( 4 Comments )

We cannot lose what was never ours, no matter how much we want it. It was never meant to be. Accept this and peace will flow in our hearts. Our life is sweet savor when we sacrifice it. Hold our sister and brother’s hand. Guide another to the […]

Post #80 – Zeniths, Limbos, Utopias, and Crash Dives – Battling PTSD – Transparency

By Nancy on February 27, 2016 • ( 6 Comments )

It bewilders me how mirth and melancholia could dwell simultaneously, yet in me they ensue. I am outgoing, upbeat, and busy which makes my bedridden state tolerable. Yet, depression hovers over, underneath, and within me. I cannot shake it. I wish I knew how to thwart it. My […]